The First 10 Questions Every Newly Engaged Couple Should Ask (But Often Don't)

There’s something magic about the moment someone you love announces their engagement. It’s the burst of happiness, the sparkle of the ring, the quiet (or not-so-quiet) excitement about everything to come.

And yet, almost immediately after the champagne glasses clink, the reality sets in:"Where on earth do we start?"

As a wedding coordinator who’s helped countless couples plan their best days ever, and someone who's just celebrated a close family engagement myself (huge congratulations to my wonderful brother and his gorgeous fiancée!), I know exactly how overwhelming those first few steps can feel.

Everyone’s quick to tell you what they did. Pinterest is screaming 700 styles at you. And suddenly, even picking a date feels like an impossible task.

That’s why today, I’m sharing the 10 questions I wish every couple would ask themselves at the very beginning - before choosing a venue, buying a dress, or booking anything at all.

Because your wedding day should be about you, and these questions will help you build a celebration that's full of meaning, joy, and ease.

And if you're a venue reading this: knowing how to guide couples through these questions is exactly the kind of thoughtful consultancy that can transform your offerings, too.

1. What feeling do we want people to leave with?

Instead of starting with a Pinterest board, start with a mood:

• Do you want your wedding to feel relaxed? Grand? Joyfully chaotic?

• Do you picture guests laughing barefoot on the grass, or raising glasses in a historic hall?

Understanding the emotional experience you want to create will steer every decision more clearly than choosing colours or themes ever will.

Pro tip for venues: Your marketing should tap into this emotional storytelling, not just your facilities list.

2. What are our non-negotiables?

Pick 2–3 things that matter most. Live music? Incredible food? A location that's deeply meaningful? Once you know what must happen, the rest can flex.

3. Are we indoor, outdoor, or both?

This one matters a lot more than people think. Many venues now offer hybrid options, but understanding your true comfort with weather, seasons, and logistics (especially in the UK!) will guide everything from your date to your guest count.

4. How much time do we realistically want to spend planning?

Be honest here.

• If you love spreadsheets and supplier emails, maybe full planning is your thing.

• If you’d rather just show up to a gorgeous party, an experienced coordinator or planner will be your best investment (hi!).

5. Are we hosting for ourselves, or to meet expectations?

Family traditions can be wonderful, but they can also feel heavy if they’re not truly yours. Have a conversation early about who you’re trying to please: yourselves, or other people.

Choosing yourselves doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you married your way.

6. What's our realistic guest count?

Guest numbers affect everything: your venue options, your catering costs, even your ceremony style.

Have a rough sense early, even if you tweak it later. And remember: small doesn’t mean less special.

(One of the biggest emerging trends? Micro-weddings that feel more personal and luxurious than ever before.)

7. How flexible are we on the date?

If you fall in love with a particular venue, you might need to be flexible. If a particular date is symbolic (anniversaries, family dates), be ready to broaden your venue search.

8. How hands-on do we want to be on the day?

Spoiler alert: You cannot be your own wedding coordinator and fully enjoy your day. Even the most organised bride or groom will be grateful for someone else watching the clock, cueing the band, wrangling the guests, and adjusting the veil just before you walk down the aisle.

Hiring on-the-day support is one of the smartest, least-stressful decisions you can make.

9. What's our true budget (and how flexible is it)?

Budgets can feel like a buzzkill, but they’re actually freedom when you embrace them early.

Start with what you can spend, not what you think a wedding should cost. Prioritise your non-negotiables, and build from there.

10. How do we want to feel at the end of it all?

Yes - the wedding matters. But so does waking up the next morning feeling joyful, proud, and still madly in love, ready to start the actual joy of your marriage.

Not exhausted. Not full of regret. Ask yourself: Will this decision make the journey better, not just the day?

Final Thoughts: Creating a Wedding That Feels Like You

Weddings today are changing. Newly engaged couples are

more empowered than ever to make decisions that reflect their values, style, and dreams - not tradition for tradition’s sake.

If you're just starting your journey, ask yourself these 10 questions first. And then pause, and enjoy your engagement for a little while.

If you're a venue or vendor, think about how you can build your packages, services, and conversations to help couples find clarity and confidence from the very beginning.

At Elisabeth Shell Events, I’m passionate about creating weddings and elopements that feel deeply personal, effortlessly elegant, and joyfully true to you. If you're dreaming up your day - or if you’re a venue looking to work with a seasoned wedding consultant to better serve modern couples - I’d love to hear from you.

Let’s build something beautiful.

Contact Me Here